Sunday, March 30, 2014

Maggie In The Middle Part 2

Maggie is a delicate little creature.
She feels sorry, embarrassed, scared much easier than her big sister.
She is also my child that is prone to catch any illness that passes her way.
In a few weeks she will have a sleep study to determine if she truly needs those pesky, overgrown tonsils of hers.

She is already anxious about this.  

 Pray that her little anxious heart will be calmed.
 And that we can avoid surgery.
Sweet Mags.

The Post In Which I Finally Tell You What I'm Thinking

This post has been looming in my mind for months and months.  My thoughts tell me to write about it, then the next thought says don't.  Maybe today is the day because Kev has worked away for a few days and it has been at the forefront of my mind, or maybe it is because I didn't leave Libby in the happiest place when she walked away from me at preschool, I don't's the day.
Here goes.

Motherhood is isolating.
I am never alone, but sometimes I feel so alone.
I talk to three little people all day, but sometimes I feel like I haven't talk to anyone all day.  (Watch out if you're the first adult I come in contact with, I will talk your ear off. Sorry Mr. Postman).
I have amazing friends, some that have been around for years. I call them when the postman is too busy to chat.  However, here, in this place we live now, I don't have a friend.

I would say that my efforts here to make friends have been, so-so.  Okay, I really haven't been good at reaching out to others.  I have tried a little, but if they aren't all "Anne Shirley and Diana Barry" in the first five minutes I pull back because I am so afraid of the awkwardness.  I am afraid that potential new friends will find out that sometimes I yell at my darling children, or that I never put them to bed on time, or sometimes I ignore them because the internet is more interesting than them. Truth.  Ouch, that was honest.  I don't like it, but it's true for me sometimes.

 Even worse, I'm afraid that if I put myself out there, I'm going to be rejected.  For as long as I can remember I have wanted others approval (is this just me?).  It's intimidating.  Libby Jones amazes me. When we go to parks she walks up to anyone she thinks looks interesting and says "Hi I'm Libby, do you wanna play with me?"  Most of the time the kid will say yes, but on occasionally I have seen kids turn their noses up at her and walk away. Libby is never even fazed by it, she prances on to the next kids unmoved by the rejection.  I would crumble.  I hate rejection.
So that's that.
When we moved here, it was because we wanted a more balanced family life.  Our first few months I focused on that a lot.  I arranged evening meals at that beach and Kev found us adventures on the weekend.  The next few months we adjusted to life as a family of five.  Now we are here.  I'm ready to find some friends.  Time to plant some seeds here (which is funny because we have been researching how to grow an urban garden in our tiny little space).  I don't how it will happen.  We barely have time for each other while managing our crazy life, but I know that somewhere out there are some kindred spirits just waiting to be found.
This one thing I know.  I have felt lonely before, I think it's part of life.  I have felt unsure about how things will turn out, but years later I love to look back and marvel at how God was orchestrating my life.  In this case, I can remember times when I really needed a good friend and he brought just the right gals into my life.  I'm confident he'll do it again, at just the right time.  I know that one day I'll look back at this time as precious.  I'll be able to see how he used this time without, as a time to nurture my young family, and also to remind me that He has always been my friend.  Always.
Never failing.
Never awkward.
Kindred spirit to my heart.
Grace and peace.

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Milestones and Such

I don't think that I have recorded any of our Tiny Son's milestones like I did with his big sisters.  I'll just say that he turned four months old and before I could blink he turned 5 months old.  He can do a lot of great things right now like shake toys violently (he is far more interested in playing than I ever remember Libby and Maggie being at this age), coo and baby jabber like a pro, and nuzzles his head in your chest to make you feel loved.  He also started to really sit up on his own right around 5 months old.  He is teething.  I knew that his teeth were doing some work, but today I think that I finally felt one poking through.  I was happy and sad all at the same time because while one's first tooth is a momentous thing, I will miss that gummy smile so.
Cooper is an easy going baby.  He responds well to routines just like his Dad, but is also adaptable to change because he's the third child in this family which means he has no routine.  He loves to laugh and smile.  I know that they are my children, but when the Jones children smile the room lights up.  All three of them smile with their whole self and I love this about them. They are so beautiful to me.
I went out to run some errands the other night and when I came home Kevin had replaced the cradle by my bed for the larger crib and my heart constricted just a little, I swallowed hard and then smiled.  I doubt I'll use my sister's cradle again, but I'm thankful for these five months of seeing my little son in it every morning.  He smiles in the morning too.  It is such a nice greeting after a good nights sleep.
I have so many things that I could blog about, and even more pictures than I know what to do with.  I made a video  mostly because the video makes the pictures more interesting then they actually are, but also because I NEVER GET TIME TO WRITE ANYMORE, and even when I do I have writers block.  I used to be so creative...What has become of me?
Most of these pictures are from around Valentine's Day.  I love this holiday, (I know that most people don't care much for it), but I love celebrating love and I really love pink and red together.  Actually, I love having a reason to use my heart shaped cookie cutters for everything we eat on that day.  For some reason, I clearly remember one of the V-day's that Kev and I spent apart.  He had sent me a card and two stuffed bears I think.  I watched Breakfast At Tiffany's by myself that year and I think I had a pity party.  Sometimes I can't believe I'm here now with him and these lovely little things we call ours.
I add that random story at no extra charge to you, it just popped into my head instead of something useful.
Here's the video of my little loves...

Maggie in the Middle

Maggie:  "One day I will be a mama and one day Libby will be a mama and Daddy will be a daddy."

Mommy: " Yes, Maggie that is true"

They are getting a lot of mothering practice on their baby brother.

 Maggie:  "Mommy my hair is worn out"
(I made her wear a pony tail and she decided it was time to take it down)
 Maggie: "My plate is grapestown"
Her view of her plate upon realizing she had eaten everything but her grapes.
Three year olds say the best things.
She is so funny.
I think I'll keep her forever.

Grace and Peace

It's A Little Like Deja vu

When Cooper was waiting long past the doctor's due date to come into the world, I never actually thought he would be born on Libby's birthday.  By the time it became a real possibility I was out of time to fully absorb what that meant. My initial thought was, birthday parties just got a little bit trickier.  What I failed to realize is that I have been given a unique gift.  Memories of mothering for the first time have been flooding back to me since Cooper was born.  I remember my darling girl in a way that  that I have forgotten.  Not completely forgotten, but sometimes in the day to day training process, I forget that she was a bundle of rolls that changed my view of the world.  Daily I remember something special about baby Liberty and it is precious.  Something tells me, (it's my husband) that Cooper is our last baby.  I thought that if I knew this fact it would hurt more.  Hurt in those Mommy caverns that are formed on my heart.  Mostly though, it just makes me grateful.  Grateful for the for the heavenly appointed gift of motherhood.
Here are some pictures of Libby and Cooper around 5 months old.  

Grace and Peace

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Big Snow

One day I will want to remember that in  2014 we got 8 inches of snow in Virginia Beach.  Compared to the rest of country it is not much, but according to my 90 year old neighbor it is the most that she has ever seen here.
It took me a long time to get everyone ready to go outside and play.  We came inside moments later.  There were coats and gloves and scarves and puddles from one end of my house to other.  

 This is the sled that we made...we had to improvise.
 Tiny son was happier in the house.
 I don't know why he is wearing a purple hat.  Sometimes he ends up in the strangest things.  It is a sister hazard.

Grace and peace

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Your Biggest Fan

Do you remember that post I wrote about Libby when she went to stay with my parents on her own?  I said I wanted to stand on top of a mountain and shout to the world "do you know how special this girl is?"  Probably not, I don't think anyone commented on that post.  I digress.  
What I wanted to say is, I still feel that way.  She is vivacious, and imaginative, and passionate, and smart, and growing at an alarming rate.
 She has been taking dance since September.  They had a mid year performance this past weekend at an Old Dominion University woman's basketball game.  Her teacher sent us a link to the dance on YouTube so that we could practice her moves at home.  When I suggested that we work on it before the big night, the little girl I described above crumbled.  I'm always thrown a bit off track when Libby acts shy.  It is not in her nature.  Part of me kind of likes it, because she needs me more in those moments.  When she cried and said that she just wanted to stay close to Mama, I wanted to hold her close to me and say of course you can stay with Mama.  She so rarely wants me to mother her that way, I wanted to jump at the chance.  I knew that I couldn't.  I didn't want to push her too much, if she was truly afraid of preforming I didn't want to make her, but I knew I needed to encourage her to try.  I told her that things we are not used to are always a bit scary, but that I would be right there cheering her on.
"How close Mama?" she said.
"As close as they'll let me Libby."
 She never would practice in our living room.  She just wanted me to hold her.  I did not make her practice, I just told her that I knew she was brave enough to do her best.
When she took to the floor at half time, I could see her scanning the audience for us.  Maggie and I were screaming her name.  She couldn't hear us, every camera holding proud parent was screaming their own child's name.  I noticed some of them had even taken to the floor with their iphone's and dslr's.   I remembered what I told her "as close as they'll let me."  I crept down to the floor and found a place right in front of her and I thought if I don't cheer for her and cheer for her loudly who will?  So I did. Her little eyes found me and her face lit up because I was there cheering for her, camera in hand, as close as they would let me.
 She did awesome.  She grinned from ear to ear the whole time and barely missed a step.  She waved to us with both arms up!
I don't know if she'll stick with dance.  I don't know what she'll do, but I know that I'm going to be there, cheering as loudly as I can for her, from the front row if they'll let me.
The whole world might not know how special she is, but I sure do.
Grace and Peace