Saturday, August 28, 2010

For What It's Worth

Please don't ever get  the idea that Libs and I spend our days laying in fields of wild flowers,  while I teach her valuable lesson of life- that she fully understands at age two, right before I promptly lay her down for an afternoon rest, then get hard to work on dinner for the family- made entirely of food I cooked from scratch, from the garden we grew out back, all done in my spotlessly clean house...
Oh wait, that was that other blog you read, written by the perfect wife and mother, with the perfect children.
On my blog you read about embarrassing trips to Target, and the Post Office, and being told off by your pediatrician every time you go for a visit.

Life is less than perfect for sure, and while things do go awry sometimes we  seem to follow a loosely structured schedule that I would rather not throw a wrench into.  When Kev told me that he had to work in Va Beach this week, and would be away for most of it, a wrench was thrown in my schedule and I found myself very frustrated.  When he asked me to  come down for a couple of days...honestly all I could think was why?  So I can pack up the car, the baby, and the dog by myself, to sit in a hotel room with Libs by myself, then haul all of the necessities down to the beach for the day to sit there our selves!
My attitude was poor, I admit it.  My attitude has been poor about a lot of things lately.  I'm blaming it on pregnancy hormones raging out of control throughout my body, so that I don't have to take full responsibility for them, but "poor" none the less.
By a happy accident, I may have been complaining to a friend about my situation and she told me she and another friend and their families would be at the beach this week and invited Libs and I to join them should I decide to come down.  She told me that it would be worth it...
To my surprise it was...worth every minute of spending time away from home, away from our schedule, my need to "feel" like we are productive everyday (which generally turns to being unproductive), away from the walls that sometimes close in on me and make me feel like I'm doing everything by myself (I know I'm not by myself really...that would be the hormones talking).
Back to our trip...
So I did it, I pack up everything, on my own, begrudgingly, chanting to myself...."it's worth it, it's worth it, it's worth it.  I sped down I-64's two lanes of holiday makers sure that our adventure would be a complete bust.
When Kev met us at the hotel, his eyes lit up like they do right before we take a big trip or do something excting...all b/c we came to see him... and in that moment it was worth it.

He took us out to dinner in a fancy section of town and we sat outside under street lights,watching sun kissed diners in beachy colored shirts stroll by us, all while the Little, dare I say, enchanted all those around with her angelic ways...and I'm not being facetious.  It was worth it.

The next morning, Libs and I had breakfast at Starbucks.  We sat at a bistro table together, sharing a bowl of oatmeal, sipped our drinks, and I realized that in a few months moments like this between she and I would be fleeting. 
She quietly sang "...I know you I walked with you once a upon a dream..." leaned over, kiss me right on the mouth, and in that moment it was worth it.

We arrived at the beach around lunch and stayed until 7 that night.  Our friends had literally set up camp for the day and made it easy for us to want to linger as long as possible...
The air was warm, but there was a balmy sea breeze for most of the day.  We played, we walked, we skipped nap time all together...

She ran up and down the shore line on tip toes avoiding the crashing waves...giggling with every step...
She made it through the whole day with no baby drop  downs, very little screaming, and was almost acting like she understood my lengthy, sure to be confusing talks, during time-outs....
it was worth it.  
When the sun began to set behind us and most of the beach goers packed up for the day, I slipped her into a little white dress that my mom brought her from India.  She sat down quietly in the sand and examined the ruffles, like she knew it was something special. She even let me brush her hair... and even that little moment to me,  was worth it. 

At the end of the day, when our friends drove away, I washed the layers of sand from every crevice that I could, slipped her into her pj's, and tucked her in her car seat ready to watch Sleeping Beauty for the 12th time since the day before.

As I glanced over my shoulder before pulling off the parking lot, her eyes were already closed,  her little fingers were clenched tightly around Bernie...and in that moment it was worth it.

Here's hoping you don't miss out on those moments.  They really are, you know, worth it...

Grace and Peace

Sunday, August 15, 2010


While organizing my room , I realized that the house was disturbingly quiet...this is what I found.
She had been right next to me trying on shoes and jewelry from my closest, just moments before.
I thought it was out of her reach, the corn starch that is. When I entered her room she was sitting in her top drawer dumping it into her socks.  Neat.
There  has to be more words that I can attach to this post to make it more interesting, but coming off last week's high, it is kind of hard to beat.  I have had some really great moments realizing all we have to look forward to in welcoming little Maggie.  I have also had some, "I don't think I can do this" moments. 
Like, when after an hour of sku-reaming (screaming) during nap time, silence finally filled the house again, until I heard a sweet little voice at the bottom of the stairs say "Mommy."  Somehow she got out of her crib with out making a thud.  She cried when I put her back in. I looked at the corn-starch dusted carpet (still there from the day before), closed the door behind me, and went out on the porch so that the screams of entrapment would be muffled and I could steal just a few minutes that I could call my own.  I took a deep breath of steamy August air, shot up a half- hearted prayer that I wouldn't lose my mind, and went back in to find that she had finally drifted off to sleep. 
Sometimes I wonder how I am cultivating(I heard that word at church :) my world...sometimes everyday, at home, in my ripped jeans and scraggly pony tail doesn't feel like I'm making that big of an impact.  However, just as doubt started to creep in, and tell me that  my life had become dirty dishes and laundry, a voice whispered to me in a quiet and encouraging way that I am cultivating my world.  Teaching her, disciplining her, loving her, it is making an impact on who she will be...And even if she never becomes a high powered something or other, or a missionary in some far off place, or a doctor, or anything like that...Even if one day she finds herself taking deep breaths of steamy August air, while she asks for Grace in raising her children... If it is Grace she asking for, and she is petitioning her heavenly Father, then maybe, just maybe, cultivation happened here in our world. (By the way, thanks for that know, cultivating the world around you).
Just a thought.
Just my prayer.
Here's hoping...
Grace and peace

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

"Life Is A Box Of Chocolates..."~Mrs. Gump

Mark my words.
I did tell Laura and Kevo, the day I found out I was pregnant months ago, about that feeling I had.  That feeling, that very soon I would be meeting Maggie, Maggie Bell Jones, in case your were wondering.
Now... going into our appointment today, I was sure she was going to tell me that it was a boy, and all of your hard work in helping us find a name would be put to good use.

Life is full of surprises though, and as she slowly showed us every detail of our baby, the head, the hands, the heart, she said "are you interested in knowing the sex...what are your names?
"Maggie," I said "or Will..."
Then she stopped clicked a picture and said, "well, I think you'll be meeting Maggie"

My heart filled up as fast as my eyes...another girl.
Tea parties.

I could write and ramble about every detail of our very long appointment today, but I will just tell you that I am not worthy of this life HE has blessed us with...
But HE, our Father, has trusted me...
Me to be their mother and I am overwhelmed, I am humbled, I am not worthy.

I have been so disconnected from this pregnancy until today.
Even now, she flutters ever so gently, and I know that it is her, I can feel her, we are connected.
After today, I can tell you that my heart is full.  Full of love for their father, full of love for her sister, and full of love for my Littlest..Maggie Bell

Grace and cup runneth over.


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

The View From Here

Lately, my view of her, especially when I'm trying to take her picture, is like this and if it's not of her back, it's just a blur of a little girl playing...I took these of her today at the park with my cell phone
Here she is running away from me,
and again  
She finally slowed down enough for me to get the front side of her, when we stopped so that Gus could get a drink from a stream.. 
  She  was happy to sit there, I don't know why she looks so cross in the first picture. 
Here's the view  of the Littlest today.  I really like baby bumps, this one in particular, b/c it's home for my baby.
I'm pretty sure that while I have been typing these frivolous words, my little person has been enjoying the clicks of the keys, because I have felt some very distinct flutters that could only be the work of my sweetling.  While we're on the subject of the Littlest, we find out how things are going with them next week. We'll also find out if we in fact have another little girl or a little boy.
Out of curiosity,
off the top of your head,
what do you think it is?
If you think it's a boy, do you mind suggesting a name so that we don't call him "hey boy" for the rest of his life.  We have a girl name that we love, and if one day we had another girl, then another 5 after that, I don't think we would have any trouble naming them, but we struggle to agree, or even come up with boy names that we like.
When we thought of the name "Liberty Rose", it was like the heavens opened up, and birds began to chirp, and I think I heard the  distant sound of a  choir singing, and I just knew that one day we would know and love Liberty Rose Jones... Ironically, about 3 days before I found out  I was pregnant this time, I had that same distinct feeling about our new girl name (which I 'll tell you next week if it's a girl, I mean I'll tell you anyway, but you'll have to wait).  However, now that I have lived through a very different pregnancy, more sickness, bigger belly, and slower baby heart rate, I'm leaning more towards thinking it's a boy...
So what do you think?
Here's to lots of great suggestions, cause we've got nothing!
Grace and peace