He Knows Me

It doesn't take much reading on this blog to realize that I'm a bit of a basket case when it comes to loving my children and letting them go.  I could reference posts where I've mentioned it before but I would be here all night.  Sometimes I wonder if I'm abnormal, or if all the other moms I know are just really good at hiding it.

Anyhow, a post ago I mention the preschool signing.  I had to reluctantly sign Libby up for a five day pre school program so that I could get her foot in the door...Everywhere I called was booked.  Honestly,  I want to be an amazing home school mom, but I just couldn't find my feet to do it this year.  I knew with our baby coming as school was starting I would feel like I was letting her down, then I would feel like I was letting him down, and then I would feel like I had completely forgotten about Maggie.

So, I talked with Kev and we agreed to send her to a three day program only to find that there were none left, only five days.  Five days of my girl being away from me sent me spiraling out of emotional control.  I cried about it everyday.  Literally.  I have very little emotional self control left at this point.  I would wake up and think about it.  I would think about how I would miss her face at then lunch table and how Maggie would wonder where she was.  I prayed for peace, I prayed that He knew better than me and I that I would see in hind-sight that this was just what she needed...but I found little peace.  The only glimmer was that my girl is soooooo stinkin' excited about going to school.  Like her smile, it is infectious. I couldn't help but be just a little excited for her.

Then the other day I got the call, a three day spot opened up and the director wondered if we wanted Libby to take it.  All I could think was how much my Father knows my heart.  I may not understand these crazy emotions I have, but He does.  He knows what is best for her and He knows the desires of this mama's heart.

this is note that came with them from the Grandparents...they don't know they wrote it so I'm putting here so that they know she knows they are gifts from them

Yesterday, her brand new backpack and lunch box came in the mail.  She was beyond excited and promptly ran to my closet to gather her school supplies so that she could pack her bags.  Then, she played school all day today with her sister.

He knows my heart...he knows her heart.
He loves us so much it hurts. He knows exactly
where I'm coming from.
That's all.
Grace and Peace

xoxo