Tonight I am fixated on the ever present, ever growing caverns that have formed on my heart. I felt them start to form the minute I met a certain man. His cavern runs deep and is filled with every good thing that has happened to me in the last 11 years.
The one in particular that is bearing deeper tonight is the Libby shaped cavern. It isn't empty, it is filled with magical fairy dust, pink flowers picked by her hand, balloons stuck in trees, favorite bedtime stories, running full speed down the beach with her arms open, imaginary friends, and a spirit so free that even you would walk on your tip toes and spin to the songs in your head if you knew her the way that I do.
There are other caverns too. One is shaped like Maggie. It is almost a secret, more like a maze. In it is a gentle whisper that it is her hand always touching me, the tightly wound tendrils of her strawberry blond hair, her big blue eyes that need me to see her, and though there are fears that I can feel are very real to her, I know there is a hidden strength, that when she finds, will be fierce. There are baby dolls wrapped carefully in blankets, stacks of picture books worn down to threads, and the deepest sympathy for a broken toy.
Slowly but surely there is a new cavern forming, I can only imagine that it will be filled with a smudged face, creepy crawly friends and all other sorts of little boy things. Right now it is just filled with thankfulness, for every time I feel him twist and turn the cavern grows larger.
All of these things are so precious to me that I can't even find the words to explain them to you. The prospect of letting go of one of them, just a little, brings me to tears. I asked Babette the other day, why it was so hard for me...I don't know if she gave me an answer. I just know that it is.
I love them, so strongly, so beautifully, that it hurts in ways I can't describe. Their caverns run deep and will forever be present on my heart.
That is all.
All this mumbo jumbo came from the fact that I signed my Little up for preschool today, and I thought for certain my heart was breaking...Preschool folks. Who knew it could do this to a girl?
Grace and Peace
xoxo
2 comments:
Hope you got Libby in the pre-school you both wanted.
I hope you realise this is just a first of many such moments - actual first day at school, putting her on a plane to visit Grandma, going to college and before you know it watching her Dad walk her down the aisle at her wedding!
Love the pictures! Ecc. 3:1 There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven--- letting go...bittersweet!
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