Philanthropy

I learned something yesterday.  

Something I am sure that I already knew.  

No amount of philanthropy will purify my children's hearts.  

My darling in all her creative ways, taught this to me again last night.  I proudly mentioned in my post yesterday that we went to Walmart to buy gifts for children who need them more than we do, and while it had its challenges I was SURE that I my girls understood that we were buying gifts to think of others, bc Jesus gave to us first.  At least that has been my mantra for the month of December.  

 My Little was desperate to play with the toy we bought yesterday.
I asked her why we bought the present.
"For JaeVon" she answered.
Closely followed by, "But I want a Captain America!" (Really?  Captain America?)  Please read that again and imagine your most annoying, whinny kid voice.

 To try to sum things up, she played with toy with out permission, disobeyed and had a consequence.  I thought I had real opportunity to share with her about what Christmas really is, but no matter how hard I tried, her little heart could only tell her that she wanted more toys.

I was so painfully aware that my beautiful, precious daughter's heart was covered by the veil of sin, and no matter what words I said to try to help her see the truth, it would still be that way, until she understands the need for it to be covered with something more beautiful than I could ever give her.
She taught me that I can read her the old stories over and over again, but they  are just empty words if I don't lead her to a place where she realizes that she needs a clean heart.  One that is covered by the sacrifice  of the Savior...The very one whose story she can retell so well this season.

 I realize that she is only four, and it has taken me nearly a lifetime to understand what that means, but I couldn't help feeling a little helpless.  After they were asleep, I sat down on the arm of the couch, and looked at Kevin, I threw my arms up in the air partly yelling at him, and maybe even crying out God I said "I just don't want to mess this up."  I am prone to messing things up, Algebra, my driving test, my college French class, dating...Parenting is one thing that I so badly want to do right.

I want them to know the Christmas story.  I want them to serve others.  I want them to answer that Christmas is about "Jesus" if their Sunday School teacher asks them (in case you were wondering I asked Libby this question last night and she said "presents" over and over again...she also said that Jesus gave Santa the presents to give to us...how confused is my child?  Confusing my child at Christmas is almost a whole other post and I don't think I want to go there tonight.)  More than anything else, I want them to know the truth.  I want them to know that they were born with broken hearts and the only way to fix them is by believing in the One who loves them more than I ever could.

  I could be wrong, but I think that all this counting down days of doing good was more for me  than them...Maybe to teach me that it is not about doing good at Christmas time, but truly, in the depths of my soul, believing in the Good that came at Christmas time...
That is all.

Grace and Peace
xoxo