Monday, May 30, 2011


While I was waiting for my taquitos to brown on the bottom side tonight, I turned around to see my Little headed out the back door with a powder blue princess dress on  backwards, a crooked crown carelessly covering her messy blond hair, Cinderella heals, and a tutu as the crowning accessory.  She look over her right shoulder and said "see ya later Mommy, I'm going to show Daddy my dress." I could here my mother's voice echoing in my head, "Carly Darling, you look like you brushed your hair with an egg beater and what did you do to those tights, they need blow out patches?"
Typing that she is just like me just doesn't do it justice...She is so much like me, that it scares me...because I know me!  I know that sometimes I just have to have a good old temper tantrum, I know that when I don't get my way I pout or even worse cry, I know that I'm prone to doing things (almost all things) the hard way, I know that sometimes I don't think things through before making a wise decision, I know the mistakes I've made (all of them) ....Yikes!
Dear Lord Jesus, Protect my precious girl. Amen.
Sorry, typing it out made me have a panic attack, and I felt the need to pray.
Some weeks, like this week, I feel like I sent prayers like that up all day long, or like this one,
"Lord, I'm not cut out for this, surely you made a mistake entrusting these children to me, b/c it is painfully clear I have no idea what I'm doing."
He doesn't make mistakes though does he?  He knew exactly what he was doing sending my girl to me.
While I was packing, I found a letter that my Mom sent to my bff Laura to read at my baby shower when I was pregnant with said "I'll warn you though, if your daughter is at all like you (and I pray she is) you will need to buckle your seat belt and prepare for an exciting ride."
So, was she being funny, like "I pray she is like you b/c what goes around comes around," or "I pray she's like you b/c even though your hair was always disheveled, and your decisions were sometimes rash, I am your mother and I couldn't imagine you any other way?"
For the sake of all that is good and poetic Mother Dearest:), I m going to assume the latter b/c I totally get it.
Everyday a two year wild thing holds a mirror up to my face, and I see myself in her. I can see her now at 2 throwing spectacular tantrums, I can see her when she 16 making rash decisions, and I can see her when she's 32 wondering how she made it here, but consumed with thanksgiving that she did, b/c she is a reflection of me.  The good, the bad, and the "oh goodness, I hope no one knows I'm like this."  I know that through that exciting ride He took my mother on, it brought me here, and here is with her, my Little ball of fire, my rosey cheek beauty. My daughter who is anger and sweetness all in the same minute...and I'm okay with that.  She is mine, she has been entrusted to me, and He made her that way.  I love the fire and the beauty  all at the same time, b/c I am her mother and I couldn't imagine her any other way.
Grace and Peace and walking contradictions...He made us this way, right you Mom!


Sandra said...

We wouldn't want Libby any other way and if she grows up like her mother she won't go far wrong.

Jason, Nicole, and Rowen said...

Oh my goodness! I SOOOO relate to this! My Rowen is so much like me that I pray daily! My husband and I often say that though Rowen is a fiesty,strongwilled,energetic little thing, we wouldn't change her free spiritedness (is that a word?)for anything. She is our Rowen and we are SO thankful that God entrusted her to us!

Jill said...

Way to make me cry Dar. I can't wait to smooch those gals soon. I sure do miss them.

One Woman's Thoughts said...

There is no mistake with God and Love. Only wondrous experiences.

Diane said...

Oh my...I'm transferring all my old pictures to new albums and I was just looking at pictures of you and Amy from when Adam was born. You surely did have that same sparkle in your eye that Libby has.There is one of you running at the farm with a huge stick in your hand...I'm sure someone told you to stop but you just had a big old smile on your "just try and stop me!" You're too hard on're an awesome mom!

abigail said...

I love the sparkle that your pictures of Libby strain to contain.

Those top and bottom pictures are precious, and I love the one of your girls on the floor. So great!