Cooper's birth is the first that I did not have the support of a midwife or doula, and I missed their calming presence. We were ushered to a triage room where the nurses handed me a white bag and a hospital gown. I didn't have the freedom to where my clothes, which for some reason, made me less comfortable. They monitored me on a triage bed for 30 minutes while I was transitioning, another uncomfortable experience. Once we were in our room, I looked for my birthing zone, I really tried to find it, but it was different. I didn't feel alone or upset, I just new that something was different. Things were moving quickly for me, even now it is hazy. When I finally saw the doctor she checked my progress again and I had progressed to almost 9 centimeters. She broke my water and I heard her tell the nurse that I needed to stay in the bed. Laboring with out being able to move how you want to is very difficult. My nurse did get me a birthing ball that I sat on for a while, but it was intense. I felt like I wanted to push, so the nurse checked me again. No luck, I was the same 8-9 centimeters.
The contractions were rolling in so fast, so painful. I wasn't managing them. I was thinking about the night 5 years before when the very same thing was happening to me. I labored through the night trying to bring my baby down and I never got there. After laboring all night and into the morning, my midwife told me that my body needed rest, and she thought I needed an epidural to help me relax.
I looked at the clock in my room on this night and it said 3:15. Then I looked at the bed in front of me and all I could think about was how bad I needed to rest. With out even thinking about it or discussing it with Kev, the next time I saw the nurse, I told her I wanted an epidural.
Cooper Jones was laying on my chest. I grabbed him and tried to warm him myself, but there were hands everywhere. His little body so very purple and blue from the speed at which he came out. They took him from me almost immediately and placed him on the warmer to try to get him to cry. I'm sure that it was only a few minutes but it felt like forever to me. I knew they were doing what he needed, but I wanted to hold him so bad. I felt like telling them that he would be fine if they just gave him to me. I could feel hot tears forming in my eyes while we waited to here him cry. The nurses assured me that he was fine, I just pushed him out too fast and his lungs didn't have a chance to clear properly.
His birth is a blur to me. It went so fast. I was waiting for him for so long and it felt like out of nowhere he was here. We had him at 4:20 Sunday morning and were pulling in our driveway by dinner time on Monday night.
Cooper's birth wasn't what I thought it would be, and that is okay. We can plan for life the way we think it should happen, but I'm always surprised by the twists and turns it gives me. Cooper's story completes our family, and that is where the magic lies. When my little girls burst into the room full of energy, to meet their baby brother and their eyes lit up, they oohed and ahhed over and over again at every noise he made. When we sat on the bed, all five, that is when I had my magic moment. The moment I had 5 years ago, then again 2 years after, then again on this day. That moment where so much thanksgiving poured from my heart I thought it would burst. I looked to my left and right and in my arms and I was surrounded by love.
Sometimes, or all the time, I look at my life and wonder how I got here. I remember clearly one night, when I was living alone in a little garage apartment. My heart had recently been stolen away by a certain young man that lived very far away. In my narrow vision I could see no way for us to ever be together. I cried out to God, these exact words "God, I promise, if you let me have him, I'll be good for the rest of my life!" I can't say that I kept up my part of the bargain, but my Father did. He knit our lives together and has blessed us more than I ever thought imaginable.
Thanks be to God.
"Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us"
My cup runneth over again and again and again.
Grace and peace dear friends, big love to you all.
Most of these beautiful pictures were taken by my friend Beth...some were by Daddy :)