Breath In Breath Out

I have let this space fall silent before, but this might be the longest I have ever let it go.
The last few weeks have been full of getting things in order for our move, and doing things in Richmond one last time and saying goodbye to friends for the time being.  It was all harder than I thought it was going to be.

The movers arrived last Monday and I watch through bleary eyes as they took apart the playroom that I had put so much thought into, and as they took every single family photo down that I strategically placed on the dinning room wall.  Very wisely, Kev could see me coming unglued so he sent me to my friends house for the rest of the day.  When we returned and I saw my house, that was "perfect" for us, completely taken apart I cried. (There is going to be a lot of "I cried" in this post).

 We were sitting in the Libby's room, probably one of my favorite spaces in our old house, while the girls giggled and climbed on mountains of boxes, Kevin was talking about the lists of things we still had to do before we left and I just cried.  I can't put my finger on exactly what it was that made me so sad, but I think that letting go of things is never easy, especially when nothing truly bad ever happened there.  My friend did point out that I basically lived there alone for the last 6 months and that we were moving to the beach and that things were going to be just as they should be.  So for the next two days when I went in the house I chanted Scarlet O'hara in my head "I'll think about that tomorrow." Somehow when I pulled away from Hunter's Chase Court I didn't fall to pieces, I just told the girls "we're going to our new house at the beach," and we talked about all the fun things we would get to do once we settled in.

When we pulled into our new house, our cottage, all I could think was how small it looked in comparison to what we just left.  As move in day carried on, my anxiety was mounting, I could feel it.  I was short with Kev, I was short with girls, I was loosing it.  At whatever ungodly hour I crawled into bed I looked at him and asked if we had made a huge mistake, and then the tears came back, and cried until I fell asleep.  We  were so comfortable at our old house, the girls could run, the dog could run, everything had a place.   At that very low point Wednesday night I felt like we just walked away from the perfect life.

I woke up Thursday morning and remembered a text that my friend Julie had sent me the day before, all she said was that "joy comes in the morning."  The sun was shinning, the beach was just down the street, and I had a house that I needed to turn into our home.  I put my rubber gloves on, Kev started unpacking, and because they are so unbelievably good at it, my darlings laughed and played all day long.

 Joy did come in the morning.  Friday morning I was picking up Libby's room and I heard myself say "I love this room."  We are settling in slowly.  There are still a lot of boxes to unpack, there are curtains to hang, and I still need to find just the right space to hang all of our family photos, but I think the sadness over what we had is past.

Our new house is in a really unique setting.  We are, as I mentioned before, blocks from the beach, it is a blue cottage which marks the 4th house that Kev and I have lived in that it a shade of blue.  We have met lots of our neighbors and they are interesting to say the least.  We clearly aren't in suburbia any more.  There is Miss Audrey our 90 year old neighbor who lives alone and I think she seems like she needed us to move in, there is Vodka Kris, who though she is almost always intoxicated, still manages to give us helpful neighborhood tips, our neighbor the 50 year old surfer,much to delight of my husband,  and the man down the road with the dog treats, who is more interested in Gus than us.

That is where we are right now.  Together, happy, looking forward to what the next few months have in store for us.

One thing we know is that God has placed a little boy in our path.  In the midst of all the chaos of moving, we had a ultra sound that revealed that my girls were right all along, they are getting a little brother.  I love the way that God works.

 I always knew, even before I knew I was pregnant, that Liberty Rose and Maggie Bell would part of our life.  I don't what it was, mother's intuition or something, I just knew I would know them, I even feel like I had an idea of their personalities.  This one though, he had me stumped.  His sisters knew, they took care of it for me.  From about the time my belly started to show they named him Cooper and have told everyone they come across about him.  Finally, we know that they were right, and our new baby is a little boy.  I can't wait to meet him.  Mother's intuition is kicking in and I think I'm learning a little bit more about him each and everyday he is with me.  I am so thankful that I am able to experience this one more time.  I wasn't sure it was going to happen, but it has and I am grateful.

 I am grateful for every kick and wiggle that tells me he is here and preparing to meet us in the time that God appointed for him.  I am anxious to touch his skin, to watch him stretch, to feel him close to my face.  I can't wait to fall in love even more with my family when we welcome him into our lives here on the outside.

It is all going to happen here, in this little blue house by the beach.
It is a beautiful thing.

Grace and Peace

 xoxo
 Thanks to my friend Beth who took these lovely family photos for us at our old house before we left!