I'm Ready Now

I haven't blogged much lately. You know if you read my blog, and don't just look at the pictures that work started for me last week and my summer has ended. To put it mildly I was not excited about going back to work. See, the truth is that I secretly wish that I had a reason to be "a lady of the house." I have been reading a lot of blogs that are composed by woman of a high calling-stay at home moms. As if my desire to have our own kids isn't strong enough, reading these enchanted stories by mothers of life with their babies only makes my desire even stronger!
I attribute about 60% of my apathy towards work to this very fact...I have been wishing that I was at a different stage of life. I think that the other 40% is just general, "I love the summer" blues
Yesterday at church, we were singing a song with the words"do what You will" and "I'm ready now." I found myself praying that I was ready for God to do what he wanted with my life and with these motherly desires I have been having. I felt like I was having a conversation with God about my children that I don't have yet and I really feel like I heard Him say so clearly that He has already given me children and I wasn't acting very ready for them. I have been elected to a very high calling- teaching. God has placed me in this great role and I have been resisting it b/c my heart's desire is somewhere else. Shouldn't my desire be His will though???? I'm hearing what you're saying God...it couldn't be any clearer. The point that He wanted me to get was so vividly painted . God has given me many children, a little less then 200 actually. Until He graces us with little faces that match our own, my students are here for me to nurture, to lead, and to teach. Engaging in anymore complaining about having to get up early to serve them, or having pity parties because my belly is not growing with new life would be disobedient to my Lord and unfair to them...my children. While I would be over joyed to learn that motherhood had at last found it's way to me I will do my best to be ever so grateful for this station of life.

Classes begin on Wednesday morning.

I'm ready now.

Song Lyrics- not my writing

Come like You promised You would
I want to surrender for good
I know that I need You and I don’t
want to keep living life alone

So take this heart and make it new
Make it true make it like You
Take my hands I lift them high
They’re Yours not mine to do

Do what You will
Do what You will
Do what You will

I feel like a blind man in Your sight
I know that I’m wicked in Your eyes
So wash me and make me shine like Your
Son, I want to tell everyone that You’re the only one

I’m ready now, I’m ready now
I’m ready now, do what You will

I’m ready now
I’m ready now
I’m ready now